The only way to survive motherhood is with a sense of humor.  That’s why we often invent our own terms to get through some of life’s parenting challenges and to commemorate some of its sweetest moments.  Parents Connect and TwitterMoms have teamed up to have a little fun celebrating life’s best Momfinitions.

Here are my contributions to Mommy Webster:

Boobyillow [boo-BEE-ill-oh] noun:  The magical area on a mother’s body that instantly comforts a crying child, also soothes sick babies, teething babies, babies fighting sleep, babies in need of cuddling, toddlers with boo-boos, and daddies who need attention.  May need fluffing if previously used as food source.

Example 1:  “Well doctor, we tried Tylenol and the medicine you gave us, but the only thing that seemed to make him feel better was lying on the boobyillow.”

Example 2 (occurred when Speedy was 13 months old):

Sweet-D: “I’m so glad you finally stopped nursing!  I miss my boobyillows.”

Me: “Oh honey, were you getting jealous?”

Sweet-D: “Acutally, yes. It’s hard to share these puppies.”

Me: “Why do you think Will took so long to stop nursing?  He didn’t want to share either.”

Sweet-D: “Shhh. Can I just lay here awhile?”

Evidence to why my husband really wants to wait to have more children.

Anklecoaster [ANK-ul-coas-tur] noun: The built-in ride on a parent or guardian’s legs.  Ride begins when said parent or guardian attempt to leave the house without the children.  This ride may cause tardiness at work, shin-splints, crying fits, extended journeys to a vehicle or mode of transportation, and bribing.

Example:  “Will you go through a drive-thru on your way home tonight, honey?  I tried to drop the twins off at your mothers so I could go to the grocery store, but I got caught in the anklecoaster.  Just wait until you see how great my calves look, it’s quite a workout!”

Magnahair [magh-NAH-hayr] noun:  The magnetic field surrounding the heads of mothers and siblings that attracts sticky and spinning objects.  This force increases intensity as hair grows, also responds to time constraints.

Example (I hope you learn from this one):

I was so excited when Speedy started getting excited about bubbles.  From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I was looking forward to seeing my child’s face light up at the sight of these little liquid spheres.  I think I spent 75 percent of my childhood, and admittedly my so-far adulthood, wasting hours playing with bubbles.

So as soon as Speedy was ready, I went straight to Walmart and picked up the coolest bubble toy I could find.  There were a few requirements:  It had to be small enough for Speedy to use (I wanted interaction, not just push a button and let the machine go), produce hundreds of bubbles a second, and not require blowing into a little ring (if it doesn’t get boring after awhile, you end up passing out from the lack of oxygen).

Speedy and I found the perfect one!  It looked like the little fans women going through menopause carry in their purses, and all you had to do was dip it into a little tray filled with bubble solution and then turn the fan on.

I waited until that evening to try it out.  I had to leave for a skincare class, so I thought this would be the perfect distraction to get safely out the door.  It was raining outside, so I turned on the ceiling fan in the living room and let the bubbles fly!  The ceiling fan created a cyclone effect and soon the room was filled.  Speedy was chasing the bubbles, and even got Sweet-D in on the fun.

After about an hour (I told you I loved bubbles), I talked Speedy into taking over the bubble fan.  I sat with the tray of solution, so he wouldn’t spill it.  I prompted Sweet-D to take over baby duty as soon as Speedy got the hang of it, so I could go get ready.  Two seconds after my little guy held down the button, the fan went spinning, magnehair kicked in and the contraption suction-cupped to my scalp.  It was instantly tangled in my five pounds of hair.  Speedy of course laughed, I panicked, and the fan was stuck so deep that you couldn’t even see it from the surface.

Thus, the effect of magnehair.

Elreachevate [el-REECH-ah-vayte] noun, verb:  The magical ability of a small child to elevate itself high enough to snatch objects placed out of its normal range of reach.  Works best on objects that are too dangerous for a child, but look like a lot of fun.  Also affective with sweets hidden for the purpose of not ruining dinner, toys taken because of disciplinary action, and expensive electronics like cell phones that parents forget to keylock.  Only occurs when parents and guardians are not looking.

Example 1:

Sweet-D:  “Honey, I told you not to let him play with the universal remote.  I put it up for a reason.  This is why we can’t find the other one and had to spend over $100 on this one.”

Me:  “You done, yet?”

Sweet-D:  “No, how many times do I have to tell you this?”

Me (now flashing the “oh please” look in his direction):  “Honey, I have yet to step away from the stove long enough to go into the living where you two are and give him the remote.  You just didn’t place it high enough.  I’m impressed, his elereachevate is improving.”

Example 2:  “Hey Will, go back in the hallway and elreachevate my keys from the hook.  Mommy just doesn’t have a spare hand.  Think you can do that, buddy?”

Poodar [POOH-dahr] noun:  A small child’s internal sensor that alerts the colon and bladder to new outfits worn for special occasions and attempted speedy exits from the house; especially strong in infants and potty training toddlers.

Example:  Why does my life have so many great examples for the messiest of problems?

Cha-Cha G (my mother): “That’s not the outfit I bought for him to wear to Easter dinner.”

Me: “I know mom, but his poodar is in full working order.  He blew out his diaper just as we were putting him in the car.  I guess we always need to buy two, so we have a spare.”

I can’t wait to hear your ouw momfinitions!  And to all my mommy-to-be friends out there, I hope learned something…  most of all to have fun with motherhood.  We only get one chance, so why not have fun with even with the not-so-pleasant situations children can put you in.